She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
