I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
