when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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