I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
