If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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