Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I'm really busy with my period
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