Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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