the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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