I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
