I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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