someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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