i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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