Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
try to milk me bitch
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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