our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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