so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it