if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
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Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
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Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!