Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
