i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?