Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.