i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize