Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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