I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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