Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
