we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
