from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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