so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
