I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
honey bunches of taint.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
