bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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