watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
