After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And then my night got REAL pukey
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
