I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
