she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
