Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
why is half of my head shaved?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
