He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
