I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
