I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
