Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
