it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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