white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
