they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
