So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I just sharted jello shots
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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