He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
