I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
