There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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