I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
...so i touched it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
