What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
