nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
