can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
