If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
