And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize