My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just found puke in my bra..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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