Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
