You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
