No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
