You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
