What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
