I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
