too bad you live with your parents still
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
