my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
