I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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