In the future we'll all be gay
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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