You're completely useless in the revolution.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
