I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
