So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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