Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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