Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
