"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
