dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
