She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How does one acquire holy water?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
